What is divorce mediation, and can it help me?

How mediation works

In mediation, a trained, neutral mediator meets with both spouses, and usually their lawyers, to help you find an agreement you can both accept. The mediator does not take sides or impose a result. Sessions may be joint, or the mediator may speak to each side separately.

Discussions in mediation are confidential. Offers and admissions made there generally cannot be used against you in court, which lets both sides explore options openly.

Court-directed mediation

The Family Justice Courts encourage resolving disputes without a trial. In contested divorces involving children under 21, the parties are generally directed to mediation and counselling, with a focus on the children's arrangements. Mediation on financial issues is also common.

You can also choose private mediation, before filing or alongside the court process, for example with an accredited family mediator.

Why it's often worth it

• It is usually faster and less costly than going to a contested hearing.
• You keep control of the outcome, instead of a judge deciding for you.
• Agreements can be tailored to your family, such as how holidays are shared.
• It tends to preserve a workable relationship, which matters when you will be co-parenting.

When mediation may not be suitable

Mediation depends on both sides being able to negotiate freely. Where there has been family violence, or a serious imbalance of power, it may not be appropriate, or special arrangements may be needed. Tell the court, or your lawyer, about any safety concerns.

Making the most of it

Mediation works best when you go in knowing your likely legal position and your priorities. Understanding what a court would probably order gives you a realistic benchmark for any offer. Mediated agreements are recorded as court orders, so review the terms carefully before signing.